Friday 5: The thing(s) Girls Want…

What do girls want in a man? Whether he be an African man, an American man, a man in all generalities from all works of life. There are basic things most girls would like in a guy. I’ve listed 5, you’re welcome.

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Be the Communicator.

TALK, ask questions, act interested. What did you have for lunch? what are you doing later? say whats on your mind. The last thing women want is someone who can’t discern an emotion that would help a relationship in the long run. Women want to know everything and therefore expect the same from a guy. When women stop asking questions, there’s a problem.

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Share your dreams.

What did you want to be when you were 10? A firefighter? A ghost detective? A trash man? It is important to share your story, I’m almost positive if the woman is on your side she’ll support whatever it is your dreams convey. Include her, women are more privy to men who include them in their logic and even the sometimes circus-like dreams, they just want in.

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Don’t forget your manners.

Chivalry is still alive and I’m a believer. Remember to introduce her first so she isn’t  standing awkwardly for 10 minutes looking at the home screen of her phone. She could be a friend, girlfriend or even a co-worker, it doesn’t matter, proudly introduce first then continue conversation. It shows assertiveness and confidence in any situation and its also attractive.

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Be a gentleman for no reason.

OK, we don’t have to be 1905 with it, but even in this day and age there are roles to play. Let her go before you on the metro. I understand you’re running late for work, but those 3 seconds of your life you gave up so that intern who is obviously unsure of her surroundings in dc, with her new “big girl job,” won’t hurt and she’ll forever be in debt to you for not having to wait 14 min for the next redline metro to Shadygrove. Also, open doors…not too early tho, never make a woman run up to a door in heels.

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Surprise her via texts

Texts can include but are not limited by: “Good Morning”, “I got off early, I’d like to treat you to…”, “I got off early to see you”, “Hi beautiful”,”Don’t worry about that I already…” “Goodnight”. Women hate the ‘right’ text from the ‘wrong’ guy…Step up and be the ‘right text’, you’re the ‘right’ guy 🙂 (results may vary) So simple. We all think so.

OK guys, get out there, be great and don’t forget, be a gentleman 🙂

 

This post was written by Bella Kobusingye. Bella is a contributor to this blog and can be reached at bkobusingye@gmail.com

GET SOME!

Happy Monday people, hope you had an amazing weekend? I “vegged out” (eating, sleeping, watching tv and surfing the web) While on my veg out marathon I decided to search for the soundtrack to the Lexus commercial I’ve recently been noticing on tv. The song used for the commercial always has me wanting to get up and move., not just any kind, I’m talking break dance, moon walk, electric slide and all. The beat is so sick, it’s serious. So after procrastinating for a while I decided to look up the song and find out whose it is. Thank God for YouTube, I found the song pretty quickly especially since everyone else had been wondering the same thing. The commercial is for the new Lexus CT (picture below)

I do like the car, it’s got that city driver feel to it. Which I’m sure was the point Lexus was trying to make judging from the commercial. The interior is also pretty amazing.

 Pop-up navigation, Moonroof, heated seats, NuLuxe trim interior, three-spoke leather-trimmed steering wheel with audio and cruise controls, a 10-way multi-adjustable power driver’s seat with 2-way power lumbar support, SmartAccess with pushbutton start, electroluminescent Optitron gauges, automatic dual-zone climate control, a tilt/telescoping steering column, 4-mode drive mode select, driver information center with trip computer, a six-speaker AM/FM/CD/SiriusXM audio system with USB and miniplug inputs, Bluetooth, power windows and door locks, personalized settings, a tonneau cover and carpeted floor mats all of which come standard. Amazing right? well, yes and no. The car is a hybrid and it’s pretty expensive, say about $37,000. 

Anyways, back to the song that brought us here in the first place. Lykke Li is the artist, the song is “Get Some” which according to Lykke Li In a 2010 interview with the U.K.’s Guardian, she says, “A lot of people think it’s about sex … But it’s about power. I was reading the Murakami book ‘The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle,’ where she goes into this guy’s mind by making him fantasize about her, so it’s kind of like power play. As soon as a woman does anything, they seem to hit a nerve and it’s back to sex. At least men seem to think that.”

This isn’t even the song’s first stint as a commercial soundtrack — Apple used it for its iOS 5 video, and it was also featured in the trailer for the ‘Batman: Arkham Asylum’ video game. And when it isn’t being used to sell stuff or underscore dramatic scenes, the song is also a live favorite: Lykke Li performed it on ‘Late Night With Jimmy Fallon,’ ‘Conan,’ and ‘Last Call With Carson Daly.’

Dude! Where’s my friend?

Sometimes I look out my apartment window here in Largo Maryland and get depressed at how quiet and lonely it looks. There’s usually nobody outside walking around and nothing is going on except the cars that speed by every couple of minutes. This is a far cry from what I grew up used to in Yaba, Lagos, back when I was in my home country Nigeria.

 

    From our upstairs apartment in Yaba, I could people watch as much as I wanted. It was fun and I did it for long periods of time especially if the power was out. When I got bored with that, I would walk to any of my friend’s house. They all lived within the area so even if it was a bit of a walk I didn’t mind, just as long as I got to see them. I can’t do that here, even if I had a car I still wouldn’t be able to do that here.

I can’t confidently say I have any male friends here, (my only friend is a girl and that’s another story entirely). But even as I type that statement I find myself asking the question “did I try?” Did I really make the effort to find and keep friends? It’s a legitimate question but I’m not sure it’s one I would have had to ask if I was back in Nigeria.

That realization that I have no male friends could not creep in at a worse time than when my car gets towed away or when I want to get something done quickly and need help. Sociologists claim that there are 3 factors crucial to making close friends: (1) Proximity (2) Repeated, unplanned interactions (3) A setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, all of which are absent in my life right now. As you already know, I live in a crappy area. My interactions have to be planned and are not guaranteed to be repeated. Without trusting someone how do you even let your guard down in the first place? Unfortunately, as external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet those three conditions. I’ll add one more condition to the three already listed, and that is money.

I was reading an article with pretty much the same topic and pulled this quote from it: After a divorce in his 40s, Robert Glover, a psychotherapist in Bellevue, Wash., realized that his roster of friends had quietly atrophied for years as he focused on career and family. “All of a sudden, with your wife out of the picture, you realize you’re lonely,” said Dr. Glover, now 56. “I’d go to salsa lessons. Instead of trying to pick up the women, I’d introduce myself to the men: ‘Hey, let’s go get a drink.’ ” Now if that isn’t the saddest thing you ever heard.

Maybe, like yesterday’s article, making friends is like finding the right wife or husband. Maybe you’re more keenly aware of your own capacity to disappoint so you sub-consciously protect yourself from the downside of meeting new people.

At the rate my life is going and judging by the theories written here or that I’ve read elsewhere, I will be lonely till I die. Well, maybe that’s too harsh but still not too far from the truth.

Marriage Blues

E ma gba mi o! Literary translation: Please help me. In this sense I’m using it to lament about my current dating situation. As a Nigerian (I’m sure this applies to most Africans) Shit starts to get real when you get closer to 30 and there’s still no signs of you “bringing home” a potential/future wife.

I’m 29 and up until Saturday, I thought nothing of marriage. There was the occasional nag from my mother and then there’s the shocking jolt you get when a former classmate announces marriage on Facebook. I usually just scuff at those because it’s easy to see why those friends of mine are married. Cue the excuses: Born of rich parents, lives in Nigeria therefore deals with different marriage rules, is done with college and has steady job, I could go on and on.

Unfortunately, it’s not fun anymore. Boys don dey old(that’s getting old for my American friends). See my mom has now moved to the States and she lives pretty close to me. Which means she can stop by to nag me to death anytime she wants. As you can guess, her favorite topic is marriage second only to school, right after work.

I went to a Nigerian party on Saturday where I ran into a friend of mine. He’s an old friend and I use the term “friend” loosely. It was a 60 year old lady’s party. As expected, it was very elaborate. Lots to eat and drink. I usually don’t go to things like that but when I get a chance to, or get invited, I definitely do. Anyways, my friend told me he recently got engaged. I was shocked because he was a well known playboy. Our discussion quickly dove into how it happened and how many more of the guys we both knew were already married. Then we talked about kids and why it was advisable to start having them now so you’re not 50 and chasing your toddler around the house.

That conversation weighed heavy on me the whole weekend.Truth is, I’m just not ready. I haven’t found what I’m looking for in a woman and I myself am not ready as a man. I was clueless about a lot of things in life and now at the old age of 29 it seems like I just figured a lot of stuff out so the last thing I want to do now is jump into a life long commitment and then start figuring out the kinks as I go.

 

There are qualities I want in a woman, in a partner. If I can do these things, then I don’t see why my partner can’t. Call me old school but I still get mad when I meet a girl who doesn’t know how to cook or clean. Oh and before you even try to use that “I have a job and work too hard because I’m educated” excuse, let me tell you that it’s bullshit. Bottom line, I got the blues, but do the rules still apply? Should I still be in a rush? This is a long conversation with so many sub-parts. So I’ll leave it here for now. Maybe we’ll continue tomorrow. 😉

Nigeria Appoints First Ever Female Justice

Nigeria is hailing the appointment of it’s first ever female justice. Mariam Aloma Mukhtar has been sworn in to head the country’s judicial system, which activists say is rife with corruption and filled with political interference.

President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan Monday swore her in and also conferred on her the national honour, Grand Commander of the Order of the Niger (GCON).

Mukhtar was the first female lawyer in the defunct Northern Nigeria and first female high court judge in the North before rising to become the first female Justice of the Appeal Court and the Supreme Court.

Describing the ceremony as “historic”, the president advised the new CJN to acclimatise to her new portfolio so as to tackle the numerous challenges of reforming the Nigerian judiciary.

He called on her to adapt to the synergy already created with the judiciary and legislature by the presidency to tackle emerging national challenges like terrorism and corruption, adding that she must give attention to the thorny issue of the trial of corruption cases and terrorism by appointing special courts using her prerogative.

Nigeria Men’s Basketball Qualifies for Olympics for the 1st Time

The Nigerian Basketball team qualified yesterday for the Olympics for the first time. The Tigers beat the Dominican Republic, 88-73, at the FIBA Olympic qualifying tournament in Venezuela, to book their first Olympic ticket.

Forward-center Ike Diogu, who had game-high totals of 25 points and 10 rebounds in the victory over the Dominican Republic, is described as the heart and soul of the Nigerian team. The 28-year-old Diogu was born in Buffalo, New York, and he’s part of a core group of Tigers who have both American and Nigerian citizenship. The 2.06 meter tall (6’9″) and 113-kilogram (250 lbs.) Diogu started at

Arizona State University and since turning professional, he’s played for seven National Basketball Association clubs as well as teams in China and Puerto Rico.

“The group we have this year is not like any group we’ve ever had,” says Diogu. “When we assembled, the first thing coach said was, ‘let’s make history.’ But it’s not just a one year thing. We want to

(Nigerian Olympic coach Ayo Bakare)

have sustainable success and that’s what we’re working towards.”

Head coach Ayo Bakare says the team is also working towards changing the perceptions of the many sports fans in Nigeria.  He says the country’s focus is on football, but the team’s success in making its maiden Olympic trip has Nigerian fans turning their attention to basketball and cheering for the Tigers.

Nigeria will tip off its Olympic campaign July 29th against African rival Tunisia, another team making its Olympic debut. Both African squads will face daunting challenges in London. Their first round group also includes the gold medal favorite USA, featuring LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant. The Americans, led by Hall of Fame coach Mike Krzyzewski, are the defending world and Olympic champions. Also in the group is 2004 Olympic champion Argentina, two-time Olympic silver medalist France and three-time Olympic bronze medalist Lithuania.

SunSay & John Forté – Wind Song

Hello everyone, long time no see right? I know, I know. I can start listing my excuses but we all know it comes down to laziness and forgetfulness sooo, my bad. To the business at hand though, I recently volunteered as a key crew member for the TriBeCa film festival and I had a blast. First of all, it was pretty brave of me because I’ve never done such before. I don’t like doing work that doesn’t pay and then having to travel to New York? I definitely deserve an applause.
While at TriBeCa, I was privileged enough to catch the screening of a movie called “Russian Winter”. Russian Winter is a movie about John Forte, a Grammy-nominated American recording artist, composer, music producer, educator and activist and his rise to success and redemption after serving seven years in jail.The video above was featured in the movie and it is nothing short of divine.
John achieved fame while writing, producing and performing with the celebrated hip hop group The Fugees during the 1990s, and has released four solo albums, including his most recent effort, Water Light Sound, released in September 2011.
Forté began his professional music career when he was introduced to The Fugees by Lauryn Hill in the early 1990s. He co-wrote and produced several songs on their multi-platinum and Grammy-winning 1996 album, The Score. At 21 years of age, Forté was nominated for a Grammy for his work on the album. He went on to tour all over the world with The Fugees, and lent production and vocal performances to 1997’s Wyclef Jean Presents the Carnival Featuring the Refugee All-Stars.

Unfortunately, in 2000, Forté was arrested at Newark International Airport for possession and intent to distribute $1.4 million worth of liquid cocaine.  He was convicted and sentenced to the mandatory minimum 14 years after being found guilty, and incarcerated at FCI Loretto, a low-security federal prison in central Pennsylvania^.
Carly Simon and her son Ben Taylor were advocates on Forté’s behalf, believing he did not receive a fair trial; they fought for an appeal of the mandatory minimum drug laws that remove a judge’s discretion in a case. They met Forté through Taylor’s cousin who was a classmate of Forté’s at Phillips Exeter..
With the help of Senator Orrin Hatch, Forté’s prison sentence was commuted by President George W. Bush on November 24, 2008. He was released from prison four weeks later, on December 22.
John has done a lot of work since his release, recording over 50 songs, played over 100 shows, and engaged in various philanthropic endeavors.
Soon after his release from prison, Forté recorded a cover of Kanye West‘s “Homecoming” with Talib Kweli. In the song, he discusses the issues surrounding his jail time.
In July 2009, Forté released StyleFree, the EP, a body of work that provided social commentary combined with hope and inspiration. It allowed his audience to bear witness to the remaking of a man.

Happy Valentines day

One of my favorite tv shows is The Big Bang Theory. I’ve noticed that at the end of each show, there is some sort of write up at the end. The first time I took note and tried to read it, I thought the little i did read was humorous. Eventually I decided I was gonna take a picture of whatever it was and read it. When I finally did, I discovered that Chuck Lorre has a whole website where he posts all the write ups. I found one for Valentines day. Hope you like it:
“With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I thought it might be nice to write a vanity card about the human heart – the organ from whence love comes. While cardiologists might see it as just a simple pumping mechanism, common wisdom knows better. The brain does not love. The lungs do not love. The penis makes a lot of noise about love, but after intercourse its intentions are fairly obvious. In the end, we all know the truth. We’ve all experienced the truth. That swelling feeling in the chest is the universal sensation we have when the heart is expressing love. Conversely, that sinking feeling in the chest is the universal sensation we have when our love is not reciprocated. It is then that the heart is “broken.” We are literally “heartsick” until we learn that our former paramour was inexplicably taken hostage by Somali pirates while dining at a neighborhood pizzeria. News we find “heartening.”

Chris Medina – What Are Words

What have you done to deserve what you have. Wake up every morning and thank God for yours. This guy stuck to his girl after a car accident left her brain damaged.

This is love.

Adorable picture of the day

I love this picture. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and this one is definitely saying a lot. Despite all the money and the talks of how long this marriage will last(I know I’m guilty of it) it’s really refreshing to see a picture like this that just says “LOVE.” This, ladies and gentlemen is love. I’ve heard talks about how Mariah is the “old school traditional lover.” In Nigeria that’s what we call a real woman. Despite the money, and the fame, she knows where her place is. Not just “next” to him in a chair but on the same bed cuddling and feeding him, that is how you show affection. I’m not sure if I’m making my point here but what I’m trying to say is, true love is not hard to recognize.So what if you spoil and pamper your man? he is your man and deserves to be spoiled. Here’s a tip ladies: if you want to win your man over for life, treat him better than his mom would. If you are not getting the right amount of affection you feel you need in your relationship, do not settle. I don’t want to give relationship advice but in this new year take time to find yourself and love who you are, because until you do so, you can’t love someone else or allow yourself to be loved. Shout out to the white girls out there who are constantly dominating when it comes to taking care of a brother(just kidding). No but seriously, do I see a black girl doing this for Nick? not so sure. Oh and by the way lets not even get started about  the whole Mariah being half black thing. Bottom line, I would like to see more of this, women being women.